Meet the real Ashraf, the man behind dotTech

Hello everybody,

Most of you dotTechies have been with us since the beginning and probably know me by the name I go by, ‘Ashraf’. Some of you have asked me in the past why don’t I reveal more details about myself. As I’ve explained before, I enjoy my privacy and like to keep to myself. However, now I feel it is time to reveal the man behind the curtain. Ready? Let’s begin.

My name is Raja Pervez Ashraf (yes, I like going by my last name). I was born on December 26, 1950 in Sanghar, Pakistan. I am married to Nusrat Pervaiz Ashraf and have four children, two sons and two daughters. I attended University of Sindh and graduated in 1970, wading in agriculture before entering politics (my real calling). I joined the PPP (Pakistan Peoples Party) and contested parliamentary elections multiple times before winning in 2002 and again in 2008.

2008 is when I really hit gold. It was the time when my political party, PPP, came to power in Pakistan which allowed me to be become the Minister of Water and Power. As Minister of Water and Power, I was tasked with trying to alleviate the energy crisis facing my country. However, I decided to alleviate the burden on my wallet instead by (allegedly) accepting kickbacks for rental power plants which were (are) nothing but money pits.

I’m telling you, no where in the world is democracy more pure than in Pakistan. Those Americans have no idea what they are talking about. Indeed, I was “elected” Primer Minister on June 22, 2012 after a contempt of court conviction of then-PM Yousaf Raza Gillani. What other country would make me Prime Minister after I was accused of corruption during my tenure at the Ministry of Power and Water? Democracy rules!

Recently my run as Prime Minister ended as the government was dissolved to make way for elections in May. I have a lot of free time on my hands. So here I am. In the comments below, ask me anything you want.

Oh, and one more thing:

APRIL FOOLS!

-Mr. Boss

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48 comments

  1. MikeR

    [@RobCr]

    If you’re going to come up with with analogies as wilfully fatuous as that, it’s probably best not to continue this.

    ** You know perfectly well this isn’t a discussioin about reviews of a product in its entire totality. **

    It is, to relate to your analogy, a discussion about the reviewing of the tuner within a TV set or the screen definition or the stereo output, and how all and any of those might be best improved upon by hardware replacement or (theoretically) a software fix.

    I’m unsubscribing from this now, and leaving you to your. . . TV sets.

  2. RobCr

    If I was invited to review three different brands of TV, and I could take one of them home. Why would I not tell the people reading my reviews, which one I took home ?
    Surely the readers of the review would want to know, as it could help influence their decision.
    Ashraf is more secretive than anyone I know.

  3. MikeR

    [@mukhi]

    Agreed. Any review of any product relating to the performance or security of a computer should provide details of the test rig used in that review. It’d be just the same if a motoring review was reporting on, say, a new tire alleged to give better fuel consumption, or an engine additive ostensibly designed to boost or smooth performance: the vehicle on which the tests were done needs to be stipulated.

    However. . . That requirement is some distance from expecting the reviewer to say which car he / she drives at home, or which car he / she personally prefers. The reviewer’s own needs are unique to the reviewer — and, where computing is concerned, no two computer configurations are the same anyway, so making it mandatory that a reviewer “tells all” is a bit daft. If the reviewer feels like volunteering that kind of information, fair enough, but otherwise a review is a test of a named product on a specified test rig.

    I’ve not noticed any lack of such information on dot tech.

  4. mukhi

    [@RobCr] i do agree that you have right to know which hardware is being used with which software; however, don’t agree that the reviewer should be able to reveal which hardware/software he/she personally uses (FYI, i don’t mind to reveal that, it is my personal choice).

  5. RobCr

    Your reluctance to reveal virtually anything, has been an inconvenience for me.
    If someone reviews a program, it would be of interest for the readers to know which program the reviewer uses. You won’t reveal that.
    Also it may be handy sometimes for the reader to know the hardware that you use (EG which Android mobile phone), You rarely reveal hardware info, even when requested.
    On a recent thread, I asked the reviewer which program he was using, after he stated that he won’t be using the reviewed program, and is using something else instead.. He did not reveal that, and did not respond to the request.
    (Lack of responding is also irritating.)

    I believe the reluctance to reveal info in those areas, is becoming annoying, as it is taking secrecy way too far.

  6. Endicott

    Best April Fool’s prank of the day. Enjoy your sharing of wisdom and humour and would be pleased to write a letter suggesting clemency to my upstairs neighbour, the Queen. Or the next time Barack and I shoot hoops. Cheers, and please keep up the good work.

  7. Ashraf
    Author/Mr. Boss

    [@Karl K] Erm, let’s not attack him/her. Everyone has a right to feel how they want; let’s not try to diminish that.

    Now if you want, you can call me a rascal. But I prefer “misunderstood”.

  8. Ashraf
    Author/Mr. Boss

    @Everyone: Glad you liked the joke!
    @Everyone not fooled: There is always next year xD
    [@midwest guy] It was a joke. I’m sorry if you were offended. I’ve removed it now.
    [@Tom] The problem with giving full article in RSS is then RSS viewers will never visit dotTech itself and without people actually visiting dotTech, there will be no dotTech. :-(
    [@Jeeem] I’m sad to see you go. However, at the risk of sound mean or rude, if you can’t take a joke then dotTech probably isn’t for you anyway.

  9. Jeeem

    Whereas I have mostly detached myself from America, I did not appreciate the prejudicial comment about Americans and whether a joke or not, found it in poor taste so I will now unsubscribe from your service.

  10. Luke

    I’ve always known you were Politically Motivated.

    Unfortunately, I know who you really are. And I’ve been pranking people all day…

    Prime Minister, eh? You da guy who cant seem to divide, I guess I should have guessed.

  11. mukhi

    i started smelling something wrong when you said you were 63 but still no mention of tech words throughout the entire post. after all, a techie like you may not prevent yourself from doing that. anyway, you fooled me since i read your entire post. cheers.

  12. Commonkore

    Hi Ashraf:
    Great April fools story. I must say I became suspicious with your date of birth and then, when you mentioned politics, I knew that this was a joke. Good on ya man. Oh, by the way, in real life, I’m actually one of the judges of American Idol. True story.

  13. Seamus McSeamus

    I totally forgot that today was April Fool’s day, but I wasn’t really fooled either, at least not in the tradition of the day. I actually thought you might have been hacked. In either case, good one!

  14. David Roper

    Damned fine April Fools joke. You got me.
    I was waiting for a mug shot or at least a picture of your beautiful wife and children.

    Maybe one day, huh?

    Hahahahahahahahaha. My gmail hacking was real however as I am getting a lot of “what is this?” from my gmail friends list. They got them all. I have now changed questions and PW – thanks, no April Fools there.

  15. MikeR

    [@detailer]

    “Are the names and dates in the first two paragraphs true?”

    Absolutely not. Ashraf is a 6ft 5inch tall 260lb centenarian pipe-smoking lap dancer. Her services were never that much in demand so she went into politics and then started this blog. It was originally called [trade secret] but then changed to the present one in recognition of Ashraf’s real name, which is Doris, or ‘Dot’ to her friends. Oh, and her surname is Matrix.

  16. DidntBelieveIt

    “I don’t believe in birth control and feel my genes must be passed on in hordes” -yet only 4 kids??? You’ve been slacking dude, the Duggars are up to like 20 kids… Now THAT’S a horde!

  17. detailer

    Are the names and dates in the first two paragraphs true?
    I had this pegged as an April fools in the third paragraph.
    So happy to see that great sense of humor come out.
    You keep writing,and I’ll keep reading,and that’s no April fools.
    Be well Ashraf

  18. Donna

    Excellent. You Got Me. I was so confused though by the age thing. You have mentioned you are younger many times. I was beginning to wonder completely about you. Even about the money. lol….. Boy did you get me!

  19. Ashraf
    Author/Mr. Boss

    [@karsten] Glad you liked it!

    [@AT] As MikeR would say, I’ll toast some orange juice to that!

    [@Emrys] Erm, too much info there Emrys =O

    [@MikeR] LMAO at orange juice. Do they sell orange juice at bars? I’ve never been to one =O

    [@MikeR] I’m sorry, it was a matter of national security.

  20. MikeR

    Darn it, Ashraf. You really can’t go around censoring posts like that. I revealed your ‘secret location’ to be that originally favored by Fletcher Christian and I cannot think why you wish that knowledge to be withheld after all my brilliant detective work.

  21. MikeR

    Yah boo. Didn’t fool many of us who were here when dot tech had a certain. . . political dimension to its name. Quite a few of us, I believe, were (and still are) going to look you up and take you out for a drink, next time we’re [your secret location] way. . .

    . . . Though of course, now that we realise you’re in receipt of a retired Pakistan Prime Minister’s pension, it’s your turn first at the bar. Orange juice all round and a single malt for me. Thanks!

  22. Ashraf
    Author/Mr. Boss

    After over four years in existence, I believe this is the first April Fools joke I’ve played on you guys. o_O

    How’d I do? Nothing like combining social commentary with humor.