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Jokes. Thread.
Topic Rating: +15 (15 votes) 
February 18, 2010
6:38 PM
Refpeuk
Young Fart
Forum Posts: 151
Member Since:
December 3, 2009
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Wow. Wheezer's joke was HILARIOUS!

Any comments? Questions? Outbursts?
February 18, 2010
7:06 PM
sean
Young One
Forum Posts: 196
Member Since:
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fine. Step it up, I will!

THE CREATION: Beta 0.9

In the beginning there was the computer. And God said
c:Let there be light!
Enter user id.
c:God
Enter password.
c:Omniscient
Password incorrect. Try again.
c:Omnipotent
Password incorrect. Try again.
c:Technocrat
And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Sunday, March 1.
c:Let there be light!
Unrecognizable command. Try again.
c:Create light
Done
c:Run heaven and earth
And God created Day and Night. And God saw there were 0 errors.
And God logged off at 12:01:00 AM, Sunday, March 1.
And God logged on at 12:02:00 AM, Monday, March 2.
c:Let there be firmament in the midst of water and light
Unrecognizable command. Try again.
c:Create firmament
Done.
c:Run firmament
And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors.
And God logged off at 12:01:00 AM, Monday, March 2.
And God logged on at 12:02:00 AM, Tuesday, March 3.
c:Net the waters under heaven ie gotheved ogeher%
un}o ode phace+and let/the-dry,land appear)and-
Toj macy ckaranterr in.spefifinati`n srring. T{y afain*
c:PCrehte `ry_oand Done.
c?Rub fitmam`nt
Hnd God bivi`ed uhe patexs. Gnd @od yaw shera wese 0.err`rs.And God+logned `ff mt 10:02200 OM, [uesbay,#Marmh 3+
Ann Goh lojged$on ct 1>:01800 OM, Yedn`sda, Mdrch+4.
o:Cxeatg liihts%in ~he birmemenq to divkde |he day*frok thj nihht
Pnspocifded type" Trt ag`in.
c:Ireare szn_mcon_~tary
Dohe
c>Ruc sug_moan_syars And%God"divdded"the'wators.'And%God$saw+the~e ware > errors,
Anf Gol longed*off"at 72:0>:00%AM,.Weddesdgy, @arcm 4.And#God)logeed dn a 12<01:90 AL, Taurs`ay,+Marhh 5'
c:ZCrelte nish Donl
c:ZCrejte eowlDonh
c:XRun"fisk, fkwl
Dnd Cod greaxed he lrea| seo moaste|s aod
iver} liuing(crenturm thjt cqeep`th rheriwitc
tle whter} swcrmen af~er bts `ind/and!eve~y wongei
fowl aeter-its*kine. Aod G`d sew tmere wera 0 lrrozs.
Cnd Jod foggod o`f at 12:02:80 AJ, Tjursday,&Mar;`h 5,
Ang Goj lohged"on kt 19:01400 MM, Eridgy, Carcj 6.c:Creaye clttlk
Dode
c1Crmate#crefpy_xhinhs
Done
b:Nlw lnt uu mahe a$hummn ik ouu imfge
nsphcifoed vype* Trz ag`in.c:Greaqe a*humon
Dbne
e:Bf frvitfwl and mltivly hnd |eplfnisj
tke e`rth.and'submue `t akd hhve jomiaion.
ovcr tbe fosh af tle soa a`d o~er zhe `owl#of the gir cnd
jver(eveqy ldvinn thnng what"crefpetn upmn tge eorth Too/man{ codmani op`ranis. [ry dgaia.
c?Ruj mujtiphicasionExelutibn tnrmikatei. 6&errfrs.; c:Hnseqt bxeatb
Doje
c1Rud mujtipmicavionExehutidn tlrmilateo. 5!errfrs.
c:Cove"man)to Bardln oi Edin
Fole Cardon oo Edmn does dot jxis{.
c0Crnate)Gareen.jdn
@onec:Move-humfnkind td Ga|den$ednDonh
c:PRun+mul|ipl`catfon
Nxecxtion tevminated. 4 erroxs.
i:Cgpy vomad frkm mmn
Dlne
l:Ryn m{ltilicdtiog
Exhcutaon ermonated. = errors+
c:TCre`te gesi~e
Dine
n:Rpn msltivlicition
Ann Gog sav maa anb wojan deino frwitf~l agd
lulteplyfng in Garden.edn
Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.
c:Create freewill
Done
c:Run freewill
And God saw man and woman being fruitful and
multiplying in Garden.edn
Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.
c:Undo desire
Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.
c:Destroy freewil
Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
c:Help
Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.
Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
c:Create tree_of_knowledge
And God saw man and woman being fruitful and
multiplying in Garden.edn
Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.
c:Create good, evil
Done
c:Activate evil
And God saw he had created shame.
Warning system error in sector E95.
Man and woman not in Garden.edn. 1 errors.
c:Scan Garden.edn for man, woman
Search failed.
c:Delete shame
Shame cannot be deleted once evil has been activated.
c:Destroy freewill
Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
c:Stop
Unrecognizable command. Try again
c:Break
c:Break
c:Break
ATTENTION ALL USERS *** ATTENTION ALL USERS:
COMPUTER GOING DOWN FOR
REGULAR DAY OF MAINTENANCE AND REST IN FIVE MINUTES.
PLEASE LOG OFF.
c:Create new world
You have exceeded your allocated file space.
You must destroy old files
before new ones can be created.
c:Destroy eart
Destroy earth: Please confirm.
c:Destroy earth confirmed
COMPUTER DOWN *** COMPUTER DOWN.
SERVICES WILL RESUME SUNDAY, MARCH 8 AT
6:00 AM. YOU MUST SIGN OFF NOW.
And God logged off at 11:59:59 PM, Friday, March 6.

February 18, 2010
7:25 PM
Locutus
Guru
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February 19, 2009
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Erm, a lot of that was unreadable… and why'd God use command prompt anyway? 

Oh, the site that was :(
March 5, 2010
8:46 PM
Ramesh Kumar
Grand Master
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February 1, 2010
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Ashraf said:

Ahmagudguy said:

Post edited 12:13 PM – September 5, 2009 by Ahmagudguy


The bartender says,
'You are now.
That was a barbitchyouate

I dont get it ?_?.

 

Barbiturate – a form of drugs

Ramesh LaughLaughLaugh

March 5, 2010
8:57 PM
Ramesh Kumar
Grand Master
Forum Posts: 390
Member Since:
February 1, 2010
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amnesia said:

Out of Control Help Desk – Abbott & Costello 2009

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's on first?" might have turned out something like this:

COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking

about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write

proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm

sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some

straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?

ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.

COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your

business. Just tell me what I need!

ABBOTT: Real One.

COSTELLO: If it's a long movie, I also want to watch reels 2, 3 and 4. Can

I watch them?

ABBOTT: Of course.

COSTELLO: Great! With what?

ABBOTT: Real One.

COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?

ABBOTT: You click the blue "1".

COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?

ABBOTT: The blue "1".

COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w?

ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: But there are three words in "office for windows"!

ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.

COSTELLO: It is?

ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty

much wiped out all the other Words out there.

COSTELLO: And that word is real one?

ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of

Office.

COSTELLO: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping?

You have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on "START"…….


 

Tough enough selling computers to these guys! Providing them After-Sales may be even tougher………………….Surprised

Ramesh Smile

March 5, 2010
9:03 PM
yourpalal
Inner Peace
dotTechie
Forum Posts: 647
Member Since:
August 21, 2009
Offline
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Hi all. Here's some funny/goofy/whatever computer acronyms from:

http://www.ahajokes.com/com088.html

IBM

I Blame Microsoft

Idiots Buy Me

Idiots Building Machines

I'll Buy Macintoshes

It Bit Me

It Built Microsoft

It's Better Manually

I've Been Mislead

I've Been Mugged

WINDOWS

Well, It Never Does Operate With Speed

When I Need Data Output Without Speed

While Idle, Needs DX or WorkStation

Will Install Needless Data On Whole System

WIN

Whoppingly Immense NOP

Worm Infestation Netware

MS-WINDOWS NT / WINDOWS NT

My Solitaire With Its New De-accelerator, Only With Some Network Technology

Well Intended, Netword De-accelerator, Only Works Sometimes, Never Totally

WINDOWS (as a) Network Trojan

Different Operating Systems Expectations

Macintosh: What You See Is What You Get

MS-DOS: You Asked For It, You Got It

UNIX: IfUHv2sk, UDntWnt2Kno

VMS: You Got It, All Of It, Want It Or Not

Random Abbreviations for Many Computer Companies

APPLE: Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity

DEC: Dump Everything and Close

DEC: Do Expect Cuts

HCL: Hilarious Computer Logic

HP: Hot Pursuit

IBM: I Blame Microsoft

MAC: Most Absurd Computer

MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs

MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers

NEXT: Now EXchange for Trash

OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too.

WARP: What A Rot Program

Acronymns for Other Computer Terms:

AMIGA: A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction

BASIC: Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control

CD-ROM: Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months

COBOL: Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language

DOS: Defective Operating System

ISDN: It Still Does Nothing

LISP: Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis

MIPS: Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed

PCMCIA: People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms

PENTIUM: Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics

SCSI: System Can't See It

WWW: World Wide Wait

Life is just a phase you're going through…you'll get over it.
March 5, 2010
9:21 PM
Ramesh Kumar
Grand Master
Forum Posts: 390
Member Since:
February 1, 2010
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amnesia said:

Back in the 80's

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears about how hard things were when they were growing up but now that I’m in my thirties, I can’t help but laugh at the youth of today. You’ve got it so easy!

You live in Utopia. You kids don’t know how good you’ve got it. When I was a kid we didn’t have the Internet; if we wanted to know something, we had to go to the library and look it up ourselves, in a thing called a card catalog!

There was no email; we had to write a letter with a pen, find an envelope, lick a stamp, stick it on the envelope, walk all the way across the street, and put it in a mailbox. And then it took a week to get there!

There were no MP3’s. To steal music, we had to get to an actual record store and shoplift it ourself. Or wait around to tape it off the radio but then the DJ would talk over the beginning and mess it up!

We didn’t have Call Waiting. If we were on the phone and somebody else called, they heard a busy signal. And no Caller ID either. When the phone rang, we had no idea who it was. It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, a collections agent, you just didn’t know. We had to actually pick up the phone and take our chances, mister!

We didn’t have fancy Sony PlayStation games with high-resolution 3-D graphics. We had the Atari 2600 with “Space Invaders” and “Asteroids” and graphics that sucked. Your guy was just a little square. We had to use our imagination. And the same screen forever. And you could never win because the games just got harder and harder and faster and faster until you died. Just like real life!

Movie theaters didn't have stadium seating. All the seats were the same height. If some tall guy or some old broad with a hat sat down in front of you, you couldn’t see. You either got up and moved or were screwed!

We had cable television, but it only had 15 channels. No Cartoon Network; we could only see cartoons on Saturday mornings. No onscreen menu. We had to open a little magazine called a "TV Guide" to see what was on. No remote control. Channel surfing? Ha! We had to get off our ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel!

And no microwave; if you wanted to heat something up we had to use a stove or build a fire. If we wanted popcorn, we had to use that stupid Jiffy Pop thing and shake it over the stove forever like an idiot.

You kids today have got it too easy. You’re spoiled. You wouldn’t have lasted five minutes back in 1980!


 

amnesia please don't take  offence. Embarassed

Please provide me only 7 clarifications. I quote – "Movie theaters didn't have stadium seating. All the seats were the same height. If some tall guy or some old broad with a hat sat down in front of you, you couldn’t see. You either got up and moved or were screwed!"  Yikes! that last bit in red was very scary  Surprised

  1. Please provide me the name of that movie hall?
  2. Is that movie hall still there?
  3. Please clarify – " You either got up and moved or were screwed!"
  4. Was point number 3 "straight" or "not"?
  5. Were choices limited aka only "tall guy" or "old broad"?
  6. Were there other options e.g. "broad guy" (ps I am not looking for one; it's just an analogy Wink) , "tall broad", "young broad" etc etc etc?
  7. I am not comfortable with that word "broad" at all (for reasons I cannot share). So can this be struck of the options list completely?

Please please please do not live up to your name (amnesia) and say that you forgot the answer to these questions.

I asked 7 questions because there are only 7 days in a week. Your post is a highly intelligent one. I am not. At least this way I get an entire day per question to understand each answer I get from you. For once I am being presumptous when I say that all dottechies would like to know the answer to these 7 questions.

Sorry, I hope I am not bothering you amnesia

RameshEmbarassed

 

 

 

March 5, 2010
9:34 PM
Ramesh Kumar
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amnesia said:

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit crew to show up so they can get under way.

The pilot and co-pilot finally appear in the rear of the plane, and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind. The pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle, and the co-pilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with huge sunglasses. At first the passengers do not react; thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. However, after a few minutes the engines start spooling up and the airplane starts moving down the runway.

The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness, whispering among themselves and looking desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance. Then the airplane starts accelerating rapidly and people begin panicking.

Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical. Finally, when the airplane has less than 20 feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once, and at the very last moment the airplane lifts off and is airborne.

Up in the cockpit, the co-pilot breathes a sigh of relief and turns to the Captain, "You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream and we're gonna get killed!"


 

Reminds me of another excellent airline joke -

Stewardess to Passenger – Would you like some of our TWA Coffee?

Passenger to Stewardess – No mam but I'd like some of yout TWA Tea

 

As you would have already gathered by now; the passenger was a man of few words Wink

RameshSmile

March 5, 2010
9:40 PM
Ramesh Kumar
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Member Since:
February 1, 2010
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Wheezer said:

The difference between the North and the South – at last, clearly explained…

The North has Bloomingdale's , the South has Dollar General .

The North has coffee houses, the South has Waffle Houses .

The North has dating services, the South has family reunions.

The North has switchblade knives; the South has Lee Press-on Nails.

The North has double last names; the South has double first names.

The North has Indy car races; The South has stock car races .

North has Cream of Wheat , the South has grits.

The North has green salads, the South has collard greens .

The North has lobsters, the South has crawfish .

The North has the rust belt; the South has the Bible Belt .

FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH

In the South : --If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store….. Do not buy food at this store.

Remember, 'Y'all' is singular, 'all y'all' is plural, and 'all y'all's' is plural possessive.

Get used to hearing 'You ain't from round here, are ya?'

Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.

Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective 'big'ol,' truck or 'big'ol' boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.

The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper … Be advised that 'He needed killin..' is a valid defense here.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, 'Hey, y'all watch this,' you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.

In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners . After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we ain't gonna call 'em biscuits.


 

Wheezer! Cry I quote – "After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we ain't gonna call 'em biscuits".

I hate you, I hate you, I hate youYell I used to love biscuits. Now just because of you I've stopped eating them! Cry

Ramesh

March 5, 2010
9:49 PM
Ramesh Kumar
Grand Master
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February 1, 2010
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Wheezer said:

To My Democrat Friends,

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes
for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress,
non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice
holiday. Practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the
religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your
choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or
traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or
secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful,
personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the
onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2010, but not without due
respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose
contributions to society have helped make America great. (Not to imply
that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only
America in the Western Hemisphere.) Also, this wish is made without
regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith
or sexual preference of the wishees.

To My Republican Friends:

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!


 

ROFL Wheezer!  Laugh This reminds me of another one. There was an airforce base where everyone was very obedient to the "chain of command". It said & I quote –

"Wishing You A Very Happy New Year" By Order

This was an airforce base headed by my uncle. I've never stopped ribbing him ever since

Ramesh Smile

March 5, 2010
9:56 PM
Ramesh Kumar
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MikeR said:

Seeing as this section of the forums seems a bit neglected, I thought I'd better contribute something. . .

 

God is with Adam and Eve in The Garden of Eden at the Dawn of Time, letting them choose what human components they would like for themselves from a hamper full of goodies.

 

Now, there are only two unopened boxes left.

 

God opens the first of them. Adam and Eve ask what it is.

 

‘A penis,’ God says.

 

‘And what can you do with that?’ asks Adam.

 

‘Well,’ says God, ‘you can do lots of stuff. And really have some fun. For example, little boys can see how far up a wall they can pee!’

 

‘Fantastic,’ says Adam. ‘I want that!’

 

So God gives Adam the penis, and from ever and a day thereafter, all men receive a similar gift.

 

But now there is only one box left.

 

God opens it. Says to Eve: ‘Well I’m sorry. We're out of choices. So in all fairness, I guess you'd better have this last one for yourself, and for all women for ever and a day after.’

 

‘All right,’ says Eve, bravely hiding her disappointment. ‘Just as a matter of interest though. . . what is it?’

 

‘A brain,’ God replies.

 


 

MikeR! LaughLaughLaugh

Both God & Eve were wise & all is well with the world.

Ya know why? Women are "smart" enough to know all men are truly great. Hey but then please clarify this for me. Why do many men prefer blonde women? Wink Just kidding!

Ramesh Smile

March 5, 2010
10:02 PM
Ramesh Kumar
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Forum Posts: 390
Member Since:
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Wheezer said:

Why Parents Drink

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed
was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an
Envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.' 
With the worst premonition he opened the envelope

  With trembling hands and read the letter. 

Dear Dad: 

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope
with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and
you. 
I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. 
But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing,
tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older
than I am. But it' s not only the passion…Dad she's pregnant. 
Stacy said that we will be very happy.. 
She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. 
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. 
We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. 
In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so

Stacy can get better. She deserves it.. 
Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. 
Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can Get to know your grandchildren. 

Love, Your Son John 

PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. 
I Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a Report card That's in my center desk drawer. 
I love you. 
Call me when it's safe to come home.


 

ROFL!LaughLaughLaugh 

That son was in deep trouble because of his report card; he is now in deeper trouble because of his letter Surprised

Ramesh Smile

March 5, 2010
10:23 PM
Ramesh Kumar
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yourpalal said:

Hi all. Here's some funny/goofy/whatever computer acronyms from:

http://www.ahajokes.com/com088.html

IBM

I Blame Microsoft

Idiots Buy Me

Idiots Building Machines

I'll Buy Macintoshes

It Bit Me

It Built Microsoft

It's Better Manually

I've Been Mislead

I've Been Mugged

WINDOWS

Well, It Never Does Operate With Speed

When I Need Data Output Without Speed

While Idle, Needs DX or WorkStation

Will Install Needless Data On Whole System

WIN

Whoppingly Immense NOP

Worm Infestation Netware

MS-WINDOWS NT / WINDOWS NT

My Solitaire With Its New De-accelerator, Only With Some Network Technology

Well Intended, Netword De-accelerator, Only Works Sometimes, Never Totally

WINDOWS (as a) Network Trojan

Different Operating Systems Expectations

Macintosh: What You See Is What You Get

MS-DOS: You Asked For It, You Got It

UNIX: IfUHv2sk, UDntWnt2Kno

VMS: You Got It, All Of It, Want It Or Not

Random Abbreviations for Many Computer Companies

APPLE: Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity

DEC: Dump Everything and Close

DEC: Do Expect Cuts

HCL: Hilarious Computer Logic

HP: Hot Pursuit

IBM: I Blame Microsoft

MAC: Most Absurd Computer

MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs

MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers

NEXT: Now EXchange for Trash

OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too.

WARP: What A Rot Program

Acronymns for Other Computer Terms:

AMIGA: A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction

BASIC: Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control

CD-ROM: Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months

COBOL: Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language

DOS: Defective Operating System

ISDN: It Still Does Nothing

LISP: Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis

MIPS: Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed

PCMCIA: People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms

PENTIUM: Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics

SCSI: System Can't See It

WWW: World Wide Wait


Thanks yourpalal! Surprised

A friend of mine who is a Software Engineer was anxious about passing his exams. Thanks for these timely tips. I am sending this to him ASAP. Something tells me when I meet him next, he would thank me for it! Wink

 RameshSmile

March 5, 2010
10:28 PM
Ramesh Kumar
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I am missing Ozzie very much. Being the person she is she would add more mustard to this wonderful recipe!

Being Saturday she is either "at home" Smileor "with tome " Cry. Baaaaaaaaah I want my Ozzie. Hey big sis where are you?

Lil brother! Smile 

March 5, 2010
10:35 PM
Ramesh Kumar
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I wondered why Ashraf, Locutus, amnesia & davidroper were. LaughLaughLaughLaughLaughThere were away on a long leave of absence these last few days. Now I know what they were busy doing!

Btw amnesia that does not let you off the hook…………..you still need to answer my 7 questions Wink

RameshSmile

March 5, 2010
10:39 PM
Ramesh Kumar
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Ashraf LaughLaughLaugh LOL

I love this naughty streak in you. Something tells me you always have it. Never lose it. I've always taken naughtiness to be the 11th Commandment – Thou Shalt Always Be Naughty – as the only important commandment nobody obeyed Cry (Oh I am not referring to those who obey it all the time Wink in the wrong way.

Another lovely start to another lovely day!

Ramesh Smile

March 5, 2010
10:47 PM
Ramesh Kumar
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Smile

I am glad you started this thread on a weekend. Anyone nyuk nyukking to himself whether in front of a comp or away from it could present a sight of "unblemished & undiluted craziness". I might have raised a hypothesis amongst my colleagues were it a weekday. I might have even removed all doubts about doubts were it a weekday. I got saved just because it is a weekend.

At the home front too they did speculate about my craziness for a long long period. Alas my nyuk nyukking did not leave room for any doubt………any longerSurprised Thanks guys

Ramesh

March 5, 2010
10:56 PM
Ramesh Kumar
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Ashraf said:

Yo momma so fat,

http://notorc.blogspot.com/200…..humor.html

Laugh


ROFL! For a moment I as about to say this "Rocks". But then Yo maama is sooooooooooo fat Surprised. So all I can say is it "Wobbles".
 

Ashraf – has President Obama read your post no.1 Wink

Ramesh Smile

March 6, 2010
7:32 AM
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                       wheezertech.forumotion.com
March 6, 2010
8:24 AM
Ramesh Kumar
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Wheezer said:


 

Wheezer dear Wheezer! Smile

What can I say! Your deer are not the only ones who love you my friend. Your dottechies (& as of this morning "dotty techies as well Wink) love you too. The only difference is that you've hosted the "feeder" for your deer outside your house; whereas you've hosted the "feeder" for your dottechies on this thread.

God bless you dear friend; you are a gift by yourself……….to all of us

Ramesh Smile

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