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Jokes. Thread.
Topic Rating: +15 (15 votes) 
March 6, 2010
9:58 AM
Ozzie
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May 6, 2009
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Ramesh Kumar said:

I am missing Ozzie very much. Being the person she is she would add more mustard to this wonderful recipe!

Being Saturday she is either “at home” Smileor “with tome ” Cry. Baaaaaaaaah I want my Ozzie. Hey big sis where are you?

Lil brother! Smile 


 

Hey there, little brother! Don’t worry – all is well. Just very, very busy (at home, with tome, no time to roam). Thanks for the concern, dear soul. Will hop back online next week – but for now I must wedge those matchsticks back in place under the eyelids and get back into it. Keep everyone smiling, Grand Master! Wink

Hi-diddly-ho, Ozzie must go … See you round, dotTechies!
March 6, 2010
10:59 AM
karen
Washington, DC Metro Area
dotTechie
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November 1, 2009
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Wheezer said:


 

I know the feeling well since I get to run tech support for both sides of my family.

March 6, 2010
11:25 AM
Wheezer
dotTechie
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May 28, 2009
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This is another one that went around in an email, but it still makes me laugh so figured I’d put it here in case you haven’t seen it yet.

And yes, there is some obvious PhotoShop work that went on with the picture. That’s part of what makes it funny tho.

 

———————————————————————–

Finally, some honesty in big buck hunting…


 

Here’s a picture of the new world record whitetail. It was taken by the cousin of a co-worker’s sister’s, uncle’s, best friend’s, son-in-law’s cousin. Reportedly it will score 2603-1/8 by B&C standard and was shot in Minong ,WI on a really windy day on public land. Supposedly, this deer had killed a 600 pound bear, two Chevy Suburban’s and six Jehovah’s Witnesses in the last two weeks alone. They said it was winning a fight with Bigfoot when it was shot.

                       wheezertech.forumotion.com
March 6, 2010
11:46 AM
amnesia
Admin
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May 7, 2009
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Ramesh Kumar said:

Btw amnesia that does not let you off the hook…………..you still need to answer my 7 questions Wink


 

Sorry to disappoint you, but I didn’t write the joke.Smile

March 6, 2010
12:24 PM
Locutus
Guru
Forum Posts: 1886
Member Since:
February 19, 2009
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0

O.o

So much to read Yell

Oh, the site that was :(
March 6, 2010
7:51 PM
Ramesh Kumar
Grand Master
Forum Posts: 390
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February 1, 2010
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Hi Ozzie! Nice to see you in forum stats. Smile

A little while ago Stora the world’s largest company which sells matches reported in to me that sales of matches increased globally. They had been taking stick for a while precisely because they were not selling very many of them…………..the matchstick I mean!Wink

I guess your approach to tome-ing was an important reason.

Another nice day ahead. Seeing you; that’s nice.

Lil brother Smile

March 6, 2010
7:56 PM
Ramesh Kumar
Grand Master
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February 1, 2010
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karen said:

Wheezer said:


 

I know the feeling well since I get to run tech support for both sides of my family.


 

Congrats Karen on the Grand Master thing! Smile

RameshSmile

March 9, 2010
6:00 PM
yourpalal
Inner Peace
dotTechie
Forum Posts: 647
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August 21, 2009
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Hi all. Here’s some  funny/goofy/whatever computer lingo from:

 

http://www.ahajokes.com/com046.html

 

Computer lingo guide

Log on – Adding a log to your wood stove

Log off – Don’t add a log to your wood stove

Monitor – Keep an eye on the wood stove

Megahertz – When a big log drops on your bare foot in the morning

Floppy disk – What you get from piling too much wood into your wood stove

Ram – The hydraulic machine that makes the woodsplitter work

Drive – Getting home during most of the winter to your wood stove

Hard drive – Trying to get home during a heavy snow storm

Prompt – What you wish the mail was during the snow season

Enter – Come on in

Windows – What you must shut when the temperature hits 10 below

Screen – What is a must during black fly season

Chip – What you munch during a football games

Microchip – What’s left in the bag when the normal chips are gone

Modem – What you did to your fields last July

Dot Matrix – Eino Matrix’s wife

Laptop – Where the grandkids sit

Keyboard – Where you’re supposed to put the keys so the wife can find them

Software – Plastic picnic utensils

Mouse – What leaves those little turds in the cupboard

Mainframe – The part of the house that holds up the roof

Port – Where the commercial fishing boats dock

Random Access Memory – When you can’t remember how much you spent on the new deer rifle when wife asks about it

Life is just a phase you're going through…you'll get over it.
March 9, 2010
6:04 PM
karen
Washington, DC Metro Area
dotTechie
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November 1, 2009
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This one was my favorite:

Modem – What you did to your fields last July

March 9, 2010
6:06 PM
sean
Young One
Forum Posts: 196
Member Since:
February 7, 2010
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Microchip – What’s left in the bag when the normal chips are gone

 

so true

March 9, 2010
6:38 PM
yourpalal
Inner Peace
dotTechie
Forum Posts: 647
Member Since:
August 21, 2009
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ANYONE EVER SEEN A FORUM LIKE THIS?????

 

(from: http://www.ahajokes.com/com009.html)

Mailing list users changing

light bulbs

Q: How many internet mail list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Exactly five hundred.

1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light bulb has been changed.

7 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently or to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

17 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.

21 to flame the spell checkers.

49 to write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list.

20 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames.

32 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this email exchange to alt.lite.bulb.

69 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar, alt.spelling and alt.punctuation about changing light bulbs be stopped.

41 to defend the posting to this list saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this mail list.

106 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty.

12 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs.

8 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post corrected URLs.

2 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs relevant to this list.

15 to concatenate (**See below) all posts to date, then quote them including all headers and footers, and then add pointedly, “Me Too.”

6 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy.

9 to quote the “Me Too’s” and happily add, “Me Three!”

3 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.

1 to propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup.

24 to say this is just what alt.physic.cold_fusion was meant for, leave it here.

53 votes for alt.lite.bulb.

 

—————————————————-

[Self-disclosure] Had to look up 1 word:

** Concatenate: COMPUT in computing, to link two or more information units, e.g. character strings or computer files, so that they form a single unit

Cheers

 yorpal (learning something new every day) al 

 

 

 

Life is just a phase you're going through…you'll get over it.
March 9, 2010
7:25 PM
Ramesh Kumar
Grand Master
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February 1, 2010
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Smile

Question – What’s the difference between a constipated owl & a bad marksman?

Answer – A bad marksman can shoot but not hit…..

Ramesh Smile

March 10, 2010
4:06 AM
yourpalal
Inner Peace
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August 21, 2009
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That’s kind of a sh**ty joke

UM, (re)LAX man,

as in…..Ex-LAX

SO IF NEEDS BE TAKE IT NOW…

DEN…… STARTSTA FEELS GUD LIL BIT

DEN……….FEETS GET MOOBBINN AGGINN!!

Life is just a phase you're going through…you'll get over it.
March 10, 2010
6:33 AM
Refpeuk
Young Fart
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December 3, 2009
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What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?

Someone who lies awake at night wondering if there is a Dog.

 

 

*I love this one!!!

Any comments? Questions? Outbursts?
March 12, 2010
5:54 PM
yourpalal
Inner Peace
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Member Since:
August 21, 2009
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Can man’s karma run over his dogma?

Life is just a phase you're going through…you'll get over it.
March 12, 2010
6:04 PM
yourpalal
Inner Peace
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Here’s one (I can’t remember where I got it):

 

Mary to Joseph: Uh….ya know, um, we’ve never had sex before…..

Joseph: Ya, so what?

Mary: Well,……like, this Angel visited me last night……

Joseph: Ya, go ahead….

Mary: OK, well…..I need to tell you this….

Joseph: Please, let me know what’s……

Mary: OK, straight up! I’m…..pregnant!!!!

Joseph: Oh….JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!

Mary: Oh, so you already know??!!??!!

Life is just a phase you're going through…you'll get over it.
March 16, 2010
10:04 PM
yourpalal
Inner Peace
dotTechie
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Member Since:
August 21, 2009
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OK Where are the JOKERS here? Wink

I know we have a bunch of ‘em

al

Life is just a phase you're going through…you'll get over it.
March 26, 2010
8:07 PM
yourpalal
Inner Peace
dotTechie
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Member Since:
August 21, 2009
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0

Attention:

Jokers needed.

Apply within.

Cool

Life is just a phase you're going through…you'll get over it.
March 26, 2010
11:30 PM
Locutus
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Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well,
there are all sorts of perks and
you can set your own hours. However every Evil Overlord I’ve read about
in books or seen in movies
invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end. I’ve noticed that
no matter whether they are
barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad scientists or alien invaders,
they always seem to make the
same basic mistakes every single time. Therefore, if I ever happen to
become an Evil Overlord:

1.My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass
visors,
not
face-concealing ones.

2.My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

3.My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not
kept
anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of
my dungeon.

4.Shooting is not too good for my enemies.

5.The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on
the
Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire
guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit
box.
The same applies to the object which is my one
weakness.

6.I will not gloat over my enemies’ predicament before killing them.

7.When the rebel leader challenges me to fight one-on-one and asks,
“Or
are you afraid without your armies to back
you up?” My reply will be, “No, just sensible.”

8.When I’ve captured my adversary and he says, “Look, before you
kill
me,
will you at least tell me what this is all
about?” I’ll say, “No.” and shoot him.

9.After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married
immediately
in
a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in
three weeks’ time during which the final phase of my plan will be
carried out.

10.I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely
necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red
button labelled “Danger: Do Not Push”. The big red button marked
“Do
Not Push” will instead trigger a spray of
bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the
ON/OFF
switch will not clearly be labelled as such.

11.I will not order my trusted lieutenant to kill the infant who is
destined to overthrow me — I’ll do it myself.

12.I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum — a small
hotel
well outside my borders will work just as well.

13.I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need
to
prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or
leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.

14.I will not waste time making my enemy’s death look like an accident

I’m not accountable to anyone and my other
enemies wouldn’t believe it.

15.I will make it clear that I do know the meaning of the word
“mercy”;
I
simply choose not show them any.

16.One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any
flaws in
my plan that he is able to spot will be
corrected before implementation.

17.All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds
of
ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead
at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as
well
as
any accompanying celebration, will be
deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.

18.My undercover agents will not have tattoos identifying them as
members
of my organization, nor will they be required
to wear military boots or adhere to any other dress codes.

19.The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any
other
form of last request.

20.I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find
that
such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will
set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is
just
putting his plan into operation.

21.I will design all doomsday machines myself. If I must hire a mad
scientist to assist me, I will make sure that he is
sufficiently twisted to never regret his evil ways and seek to undo
the
damage he’s caused.

22.I will never utter the sentence “But before I kill you, there’s
just
one thing I want to know.”

23.When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to
their
advice.

24.I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt
to
usurp power would easily fail, it would provide
a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.

25.I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was
evil,
but one look at the hero’s rugged countenance
and she’d betray her own father.

26.Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in
maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it’s too easy to
miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could
adjust to accordingly.

27.I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms
for
my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap
knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman
footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were
eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive
mind-set.

28.No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I
will
not consume any energy field bigger than
my head.

29.I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops
in
their use. That way — even if the heroes
manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the
standard-issue
energy weapons useless — my troops will
not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.

30.I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and
weaknesses.
Even though this takes some of the fun out of
the job, at least I will never utter the line “No, this cannot be!
I
AM
INVINCIBLE!!!” (After that, death is usually
instantaneous.)

31.No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any
sort of
machinery which is completely indestructible
except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.

32.No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are,
there is
probably someone just as attractive who is not
desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering
a
prisoner sent to my bedchamber.

33.I will never build only one of anything important. All important
systems
will have reduntant control panels and power
supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two
fully
loaded weapons at all times.

34.If my supreme command center comes under attack, I will immediately
flee
to safety in my prepared escape pod and
direct the defenses from there. I will not wait until the troops
break
into my inner sanctum to attempt this.

35.My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot
escape
and into which I could not accidentally
stumble.

36.Even though I don’t really care because I plan on living forever, I
will
hire engineers who are able to build me a
fortress sturdy enough that, if I am slain, it won’t tumble to the
ground for no good structural reason.

37.I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies
into
confusion.

38.All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and
cowardly
thieves in the land will be pre-emptively put to
death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they
have
no source of comic relief.

39.All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with
surly,
world-weary waitresses who will provide no
unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or
his
sidekick.

40.Any and all magic and/or technology that can miraculously resurrect
a
secondary character who has given up his/her
life through self sacrifice will be outlawed and destroyed.

41.I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad
news
just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good
messengers are hard to come by.

42.I will see to it that plucky young lads/lasses in strange clothes
and
with the accent of an outlander shall REGULARLY
climb some monument in the main square of my capital and denounce
me,
claim to know the secret of my power,
rally the masses to rebellion, etc. That way, the citizens will be
jaded
in case the real thing ever comes along.

43.I won’t require high-ranking female members of my organization to
wear
a
stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better
with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely
from
black leather will be reserved for formal
occasions.

44.I will not employ devious schemes that involve the hero’s party
getting
into my inner sanctum before the trap is sprung.

45.I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.

46.I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look
diabolic.
Now they just make you look like a disaffected
member of Generation X.

47.I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell
block,
let alone the same cell. If they are important
prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person
instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung
guard in the prison.

48.If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a
battle, I will believe him. After all, he’s my trusted
lieutenant.

49.If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring
anywhere, I will find them and have them killed
immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring
feelings
of vengeance towards me in my old age.

50.If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at
the
forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out
my opposite number among his army.

51.I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable
superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as
possible instead of keeping it in reserve.

52.Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel
devices.

53.I will offer oracles the choice of working exclusively for me or
being
executed.

54.When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog,
monkey,
ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal
capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him
around.

55.I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the
beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my
power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I
just
let
her in on my plans.

56.I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who
work
for
the pleasure of the hunt tend to do
dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting
chance.

57.I will not rely entirely upon “totally reliable” spells that can
be
neutralized by relatively inconspicuous talismen.

58.I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible
for
what in my organization. For example, if my
general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say
“And
here is the price for failure,” then suddenly
turn and kill some random underling.

59.If an advisor says to me “My liege, he is but one man. What can
one
man
possibly do?”, I will reply “This.” and kill
the advisor.

60.If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I
will
slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of
waiting for him to mature.

61.I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology
with
respect and kindness. Thus if the control is
ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.

62.If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy
me, I
will not send all my troops out to seize it.
Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly
put a
Want-Ad in the local paper.

63.My main computers will have their own special operating system that
will
be completely incompatible with standard
IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.

64.I will make the main entrance to my fortress standard-sized. While
elaborate 60-foot high double-doors definitely
impress the masses, they are hard to close quickly in an emergency.

65.If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the
conditions in the beautiful princess’ cell, I will
immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.

66.I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to
examine my castle and inform me of any secret
passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.

67.If the beautiful princess that I capture says “I’ll never marry
you!
Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!”, I will say “Oh
well” and kill her.

68.I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to
double-cross it simply because I feel like being
contrary.

69.The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place
in
my
Legions of Terror. However before I send
them out on important covert missions that require tact and
subtlety, I
will first see if there is anyone else equally
qualified who would attract less attention.

70.My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who
cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10
meters will be used for target practice.

71.Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will
carefully
read the owner’s manual.

72.If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose
dramatically and toss off a one-liner.

73.I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.

74.My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any
code
I
am thinking of using. If he breaks the code
in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies
to
passwords.

75.If my advisors ask “Why are you risking everything on such a mad
scheme?”, I will not proceed until I have a
response that satisfies them.

76.I will never accept a challenge from the hero.

77.I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding
structural
supports which intruders could use for cover in
a firefight.

78.I will not engage an enemy single-handedly until all my soldiers
are
dead.

79.Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And
they
will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense
about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable
intervals.

80.I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely
unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which
could prove to be a disadvantage.


81.If I must have computer systems with publically available
terminals,
the
maps they display of my complex will have a
room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the
Execution Chamber. The actual main control
room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.

82.My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone
who
watches someone press a sequence of buttons
or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter
by
repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm
system.

83.If I capture the hero’s starship, I will keep it in the landing bay
with
the ramp down, only a few token guards on duty
and a ton of explosives set to go off as soon as it clears the
blast-range.

84.No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be
instructed to treat every surveillance camera
malfunction as a full-scale emergency.

85.I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This
is
only reasonable as it encourages others to do so.
However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare
them
again, they’d better save my life again.

86.All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be
delivered
at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be
placed in foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by
creatures of the wild.

87.When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always
travel
in groups of at least two. They will be trained
so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the
other will immediately initiate an alert and call for
backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.

88.If I decide to test a lieutenant’s loyalty and see if he/she should
be
made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad
of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.

89.If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and
begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional
weapon instead of using my unstoppable superweapon on them.

90.I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged
contest,
even though my advisors assure me it is
impossible for them to win.

91.When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that
my
five-year-old advisor can easily understand
the details, I will not label the disk “Project Overlord” and
leave
it
lying on top of my desk.

92.I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse,
instead of standing around waiting while members
break off and attack one or two at a time.

93.If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and
struggle
with him in an attempt to push him over the
edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the
middle
of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not
even worth considering.)

94.If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero
the
chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutentant, I
will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted
lieutenant
is
out of earshot before making the offer.

95.I will not tell my Legions of Terror “And he must be taken
alive!”
The
command will be “And try to take him alive if
it is reasonably practical.”

96.If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as
soon as
it has been employed it will be melted
down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins.

97.If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my
best
troops instead of wasting time with progressively
stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.

98.If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have
disarmed
him, and am about to finish him off and he
glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of
quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.

99.I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front
of
the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous,
unbalanced structure.

100.If I’m eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then
have
to leave the table for any reason, I will order new
drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to
switch with him.

101.I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the
opposite
sex.

102.I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly
complicated,
e.g. “Align the 12 Stones of Power on the
sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total
eclipse.” Instead it will be more along the lines of
“Push the button.”

103.I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly
grounded.

104.My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use.
Also, I
will not construct walkways above them.

105.If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate
them
for incompetence then send the same group out
to try the task again.

106.After I captures the hero’s superweapon, I will not immediately
disband
my legions and relax my guard because I
believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the
hero
held the weapon and I took it from him.

107.I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is
facing away from the door.

108.I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and
obviously
agitated until my personal grooming or
current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.

109.If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him.
Instead
I
will say this his dogged perseverance has given
me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he
leaves me
alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I
will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are
incredibly
gullible in this regard.)

110.If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling
who
failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the
hero is scheduled to go first.

111.When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and
grab
a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.

112.My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with
bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick
and his cellmate tells the guard it’s an emergency, the guard will
fetch
a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for
a look.

113.My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control
panel
on the outside seals the door and blasting the
control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.

114.My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain
reflective surfaces or anything that can be unravelled.

115.Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless
trance, I
will provide each of them with free unlimited
Internet access.

[[via Comedy Corner via Evil Overlord]]

Required Copyright tag: “This Evil Overlord List is © 1996-1997 by Peter Anspach. If you
enjoy it, feel free to pass it along or post it anywhere, provided that
(1) it is not altered in any way, and (2) this copyright notice is
attached.”

Oh, the site that was :(
March 26, 2010
11:30 PM
Locutus
Guru
Forum Posts: 1886
Member Since:
February 19, 2009
Offline
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0

Ok, you know what?  Just go to the entire site.

http://www.comedycorner.org/

Oh, the site that was :(
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