Person tells tech support that the Internet is not working... while chatting with said tech support over the Internet.
"Well, you said it was overheating, so I poured water on it to cool it down!"
Computer is typing numbers instead of letters, dumb tech support wants to blame a virus.
"The computer was a bit glitchy before it was thrown hard on the ground so I don't have a clear idea of what caused it to just switch off, my hunch is its a virus or battery failure."
Pro tip: simply inserting your antivirus disc inside the CD tray will protect you from viruses.
"When I got the CD in the mail, it broke in half. I scotch taped it back together... is there any reason that would cause it to not work???"
Apparently being forced to log back into Windows after being away from keyboard for a long time is the result of a virus infection.
"If you've done both of those things, you don't enter a ticket into the queue. I will work on it right now. By the way, I think I like you."
No, I'm sorry a mouse pad cannot be used for pest control... at least not the biological kind.
Or, how to shrink the characters in a video game.
Tech support is asked to copy a 100 GB hard drive that is filled with porn.
Man buys laptop that has one year warranty. Warranty is about to run out and man wants dead battery replaced. This eventually leads the man to tell tech support that the man has no fingers.
If you have worked in tech support before, you will probably agree with this.